Crowbar Cast Of Characters Redux

We realize that we here at Headquarters have introduced you to an awful lot of new people over the past few months. Hell, even Crowbar occasionally has trouble keeping all her secret identities straight so we can only imagine what it must be like for the unsuspecting reader. Bearing this in mind we thought it might be helpful to run over the Crowbar Crew you've met thus far and their various mission roles.

Introducing - The Many Faces Of Crowbar

CROWBAR - a.k.a. Our hero, SuperSpy, Double Agent Extraordinaire and generally troublesome revolutionary-wannabe. Crowbar is into demolition, jealously guards the armory, heads all military and tactical operations, and is Commando-In-Chief of all missions and crew. No one's exactly sure of her full history, nor all the identities she's held, but we know her background is...well, spotty might be a nice way to put it. FAVOURITE WEAPONS: Guess. Apart from her extensive training in hand-to-hand combat, Crowbar can overcome an adversary with just about anything handy, including everyday objects not intended for that purpose. As would seem obvious, however, she generally favours all things smashy.

CAKE WAFIT [Codename for Cake-With-A-File-In-It] - A more mild-mannered (by CB standards), all-purpose daytime identity donned by Crowbar to appear sane, reasonable, and sneak into places she's not supposed to be. Cake acts as a counsellor to teen girls in prison, on the street, in group homes, etc, and regularly passes herself off to the Dark Side as an ally who has succumbed to their brainwashing tactics. Cake's double agent role is complicated and requires great finesse and there are those of us on the crew who feel she never gets the credit she deserves. FAVOURITE WEAPONS: The Validator, The Normalizer.
[More on Cake Wafit...]

CON ALLYERD [Codename for Con-All-Yer-Dollars] - Head of the Ministry of Finance and Marketing Specialist, Con works tirelessly to siphon dollars into the Crowbar Dark Side Resistance Force. Con is flippant, often MIA, and, by all accounts, about a fingernail deep. She's a world-class thief, will rob you blind the minute your back is turned, and has absolutely no moral compunctions about lying blatantly if she's charmed a cheque out of you by the end. In short, she's pretty much like anybody else you'll meet in advertising. FAVOURITE WEAPONS: Con avoids biting the hand that feeds, and prefers non-lethal stealth weaponry. Her greatest art is the Con, and her fallback tools, Doublespeak and pickpocketing.
[More on Con Allyerd...]

CULT ABANDON [Codename for Cultivate-A-Band-Of-Neophytes] - Head of the Ministry of Information, Cult is in charge of deciminating Information, Propaganda and Truth for the Resistance. She further heads up the Political Strategy and Tactical Planning Division and finally handles the recruitment function for the mission team. Cult is non-violent and commits less overt sabotage than the rest of the crew, but perhaps has the greatest long-term impact in that she sows the seeds of doubt in burgeoning minds. FAVOURITE WEAPONS: The Truth, The Real-Life-Anecdote, and The Written Word. Fallback tool: Hypnotism.
[More on Cult Abandon...]

Introducing - The Crew

CHISEL - Crowbar Feline Unit, Chisel's amazing ability to see in the dark and move in complete silence makes her invaluable on stealth and recon missions. Chisel is also in charge of security for Crowbar Headquarters, posing as an every-day domestic housecat. Don't be fooled - she'd take your eyes out if you got more than 5 feet inside the door without Crowbar's consent. Not that you could.

HQ STAFF - Headquarters is staffed by a dedicated group of operatives who perfom all the day-to-day functions of keeping a Command Centre running. They file mission updates, relay Crowbar communiques, and generally try to ensure the trains run on time. Much to Crowbar's displeasure, however, they do not do laundry or dishes. No one knows exactly who they are, or how many of them work out of HQ - that's not the kind of intel we'd allow into the public domain anyway.

SQUIRRELLY - Crowbar Resistance Force Mission Operative. Although Crowbar generally works alone, in any mission requiring two or more operatives Squirrelly is Crowbar's most frequent Mission partner. Squirrelly is extensively trained in strategy, hand-to-hand combat, propaganda, and stealth. She is further the only Mission Operative with complete access to Headquarters, full security clearance for all mission information, and a reserved seat in the Barmobile (Resistance Force transport vehicle).

WEEDERMAN - Part of the Crowbar Mission Intelligence Retrieval System (MIRS), Weederman acts as organic storage for historical mission data Crowbar has deleted from her own memory for security reasons. Weederman further sends regular electronic intelligence reports from his exhaustive news and document scans, and sometimes reminds Crowbar to eat.

Introducing - The Affiliates

BONEZ - Independent Resistance Force Affiliate, Bonez provides intel, systems support and media duplication. Bonez has insinuated himself into Dark Side training facilities and specializes in being impossible to extract, once embedded.

THE COOKIEMAKER - Deadliest Woman In The World With A Spatula, Independent Resistance Force Affiliate The Cookiemaker provides mission soundtracks, inspirational communiques, and, you guessed it, cookies. She specializes in taking out Dark Side(tm) First Response Personnel.

TIBBY - Independent Resistance Force Affiliate, Tibby is a shadowy figure who pops up intermittantly to provide intel, late-night communiques and philosophy. Her specialty is subterfuge, by way of strategy, and she maintains almost as many secret identities as Crowbar in order to accomplish this.

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As we introduce you to new people we'll add 'em to this list and perhaps, if we get real dedicated, you'll eventually find a link to the crew on the sidebar too....