Prison Diaries #1 - Who is Cake Wafit?

[...or a layman's explanation of one Crowbar's many secret identities...]

As we all know it is crucial for those who still advocate for outmoded concepts like social equality, elimination of class barriers, and accountability and justice for all to hide these seditious, destabilizing and anti-social activities at all times. The development of secret identities greatly assists in avoiding capture, fire-fights, re-education, and The Dark Side(TM)'s most devastating weapon; the insidious and irreversible "Co-optation". Our hero Crowbar is no exception and, as a result, has developed a number of different personas in order to cloak her true identity from The Dark Side(TM). One of Crowbar's more socially palatable disguises, Cake-With-A-File-In-It (Code-name: Cake Wafit), acts as an outside counsellor for teen women being held in custody, group homes, and various and sundry other Dark Side(TM) facilities. Only by employing stealthy counter-intelligence manoeuvres, and using the remarkable "woman-of-a-thousand-faces" technique, is our favourite spy able to enter and exit numerous shelters, 'homes-for-wayward-girls', and custodial institutions {sometimes called "jails" by Dark Side(TM) resistance forces}.

By posing as one of a tyrannical breed variously known as "youth counsellors", "social-service professionals", or simply "youth workers", Crowbar (in her Cake Wafit identity) is able to execute her duties as a double-agent and spread her seditious message inside the walls of some of The Dark Side(TM)'s most impenetrable Behavioural Modification & Reeducation Centres. Once inside the doors she goes to work undermining the destructive elements of incarceration using some of her specialty double-agent secret weapons, such as; The VALIDATOR, The NORMALIZER, The Non-Judgmental Sneak Attack, and the highly potent Accountability Serum (which triggers an abnormal obsession with telling-the-truth which forces Crowbar to be accountable for mistakes made by herself and others, even when doing so threatens to blow her cover). Through careful use of stealth tactics and body armour Crowbar smuggles her illicit arsenal through the weapons detectors of The Dark Side(TM)'s institutions on a near-daily basis.

As with any stealth mission, even the most careful operative can sometimes leave traces and clues behind, thus risking exposure, capture and/or reeducation attempts. Unfortunately, some Dark Side(TM) Behavioural Modification Technicians (code-named: PURE EVIL) in at least two Dark Side(TM) facilities may be beginning to question the Cake Wafit identity, and suspect her of being an enemy plant. In order to avoid detection she has recently been forced to employ some of the most sophisticated and difficult subterfuge techniques from her secret agent training, including;

(1) The Smiling and Nodding Ruse: Although not the most techically difficult, this simple technique can backfire when it is overused, used inappropriately, or applied incautiously. Any of the former can generate what's known as "The Rebound Effect", in that PURE EVIL begins to believe an operative has no power or authority, thus causing them to question, interfere with and obstruct the agent's daily activities still more.

(2) Displaying "Pro-Social" Attitudes: This more challenging tactic involves repeating certain illogical and indoctrinated terms and phrases at key times, suppressing any display of obviously anti-social behaviours such as "analysis" and "free-thought", and pretending to enjoy consumer-driven 'holidays' and activities that involve the acquisition of goods and/or status.

(3) The "Taking An Interest" Feint: This demanding sleight-of-hand involves appearing to be genuinely interested in PURE EVIL's thoughts, opinions, feelings and personal lives. This delicate manoeuvre requires adroit and judicious application and is best employed as a last resort (e.g. when an operative's cover is at risk of being blown), due to the danger of volatile and sometimes unpredictable consequences. It may also trigger unwanted side-effects for the operative such as overwhelming fatigue, dissociation, and hard-to-avoid social invitations.

More than all of these, however, by far the most difficult and demanding tactic to perfect and employ is the controversial Groupthink Smokescreen. This technique requires an agent to develop the ability to have entire conversations with PURE EVIL [or even whole rooms filled with PURE EVIL] and have PURE EVIL walk away believing the operative agreed with everything s/he/they said without noticing that the agent never actually affirmed a word of it. This technique requires such subtlety and gentle mind-control artistry that many operatives who obtain Third Degree Skill Status (also known as SuperSpy) have never trained in or perfected it. It is rarely discussed openly even among Double Agents as there are many who believe it to be ethically questionable. Some agents even fear it can have a secondary effect of opening broad vulnerability to the dreaded and irreversible CO-OPTATION disabling tactic. Most operatives prefer to hone the related, but much less perilous, "Displaying Pro-Social Attitudes" technique and there are many who are unaware that the "Groupthink Smokescreen" even exists.

Will Crowbar be able to maintain her secret identity as Cake Wafit by employing her arsenal of stealth tactics and successfully suppressing her urges to move to munitions? Stay tuned to Crowbar to find out....