How To Procrastinate With The Pros

STEP ONE: Decide you're finally going to get off your ass and create the damn blog everyone keeps telling you they think you should have.

STEP TWO: Become paralysed for weeks, because you can't set it up without a name and you can't settle on a name. You are, after all, going to have to live with this forEVER.

STEP THREE: Realize that getting stuck at Step 2 is the same thing that stopped you in your tracks a few months ago when you tried this. And a year ago when you tried this. Get frustrated, decide you hate the whole damn thing, walk away from the computer, and make microwave popcorn.

STEP FOUR: Repeat Steps 1 - 3 over and over, preferrably for years.

STEP FIVE: Finally decide on a name, go to the computer, discover it's been used already and return to Step 3.

STEP SIX: Finally think of a name that hasn't been used, enter the name, stare at the name, re-name it, go back to the first name, look for definitions of the name, and finally hit 'publish' when you are about 4 seconds away from walking away from the computer and making microwave popcorn. Immediately regret the name as soon as you see it on the page.

STEP SEVEN: Spend 4 hours fucking around with the template, because it becomes obvious that you simply MUST know hexadecimal colour coding in order to pick a template, which you simply MUST do before you can actually write anything. Ignore the fact that you could always change it later and instead treat it as though you are making a pact with your Creator. Once you are irretrievably lost in thousands of websites about what those 6 characters mean, decide that the concepts of 'additive' and 'subtractive' colour are something someone thought up while on a totally sadistic acid trip. Tell yourself that NO ONE could understand this shit, get frustrated and consider the relative merits of tamari almonds over microwave popcorn.

STEP EIGHT: Decide while squinting at colour codes that if you really want to set up this template thing *right* you are actually going to have to learn HTML coding. Do a new Google search and, once irretrievably lost in a thousand OTHER websites, begin an on-line tutorial which you calculate you can complete in about 8 weeks, if you work hard at it. Continue to protest to yourself that this is all *absolutely* necessary before you can write a word. You're not dicking around. Never.

STEP NINE: In Part 3 of Chapter 1 of your HTML tutorial realize that you're never going to remember all this stuff, so you'd really better set up a binder to keep relevant pages and info in. Spend another hour searching your house for a binder. Realize you'll have to clean out one that's already in use, and begin looking through those. As you obviously don't want to throw out anything important, start going through the handouts in the "Spanish" binder from that class you took 3 years ago. Wonder why you never DID finish learning Spanish? See if you can find your old Spanish dictionary.

STEP TEN: Start to get hungry while contemplating the difference between yo soy and yo estoy. Wonder if there's any microwave popcorn.