Wherefore Art Thou, Crowbar?

Crowbar HQ Staff Update:

We are disturbed by Crowbar's conspicuous absence. Daily we wait for a communique, a mission update, anything to tip us off to her current whereabouts and activities...and yet we get nothing. It's not unprecedented - Crowbar is known for pulling disappearing acts, but we do expect to hear from her at least once a week. Instead we have been receiving random reports from field operatives; reports that form no discernible pattern and no overarching picture of the nature of her current mission. If anything, we are baffled by the picture they present, and offer them here for you to form your own conclusions.

Recent Crowbar Sightings:

• Driving a tractor big enough to go over a small car. Our operative reports that the maniacal look of absolute joy on her face seemed to indicate...happiness?


• Eating calamari in a Jamaican restaurant. This outing contained no work context whatsoever and thus we have yet to determine its purpose.


• In jail for hours upon hours upon hours...this one we understand.


• Sitting in an apartment going through boxes of baby clothes, item by item. This activity undermines everything we think we know about Crowbar and her relationship to minor children.


• In a grocery store, buying salad. This is incomprehensible - Crowbar shops but once a year during the Christmas holidays to stock up on provisions, allowing her to barricade herself indoors until the "season" is over.


• Storming out of a meeting in pure frustration. This too makes no sense, as Cake Wafit doesn't allow storming. Crowbar storms out of meetings in her head regularly, but it's deemed totally unacceptable behaviour by Cake, and thus belies explanation.


• Having brunch. Crowbar? Having brunch? She's been known to beat people simply for using the word 'brunch'.

We are sure that there is some ribbon threading all these varied activities together, we just haven't figured it out yet. Usually Crowbar has a limited repetoire: rant, smash, work, smash, rant, smash, work, smash. We've come to rely on it and thus find ourselves sorely tested by this inexplicable regime of sociability and non-work-related pursuits. We have sent multiple coded messages to Crowbar through our various networks, requesting that she provide HQ Staff with a Mission Update, and we'll post responses here as soon as we receive them.