Thorazine: Not Just For Breakfast Anymore...
Crowbar has a secret. She wouldn't tell you herself, but she's busy drooling and laughing manically at shadows on the wall right now, so I'll whisper it while she's distracted: [Sometimes she loses her shit].
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she's a basketcase or anything, but sometimes juggling a bunch of secret identities, trying to micro-manage revolutions, fending off simultaneous overt and covert Dark Side (TM) attacks, and supporting close to 25 young women in less than 3 days gets under a person's skin. None of us here at Headquarters are too sure what pushed her over the edge this week - was it the two hostage takings? Those were pretty bad. The four babies taken away by CAS? The landlord who wouldn't return a deposit cheque even though the apartment was no longer available and the teen girl having to go to the street because that was all the money she had? The welfare office who wouldn't intervene or replace the deposit so she could go somewhere else, and instead told her it was her problem? The three women who showed up with bruises because their "partners" beat the crap out of them for such high crimes as "talking back" and "sleeping"? The two gang-rapes? The three separate crying girls saying they will do anything to not be sent back to one of our region's fabulous group homes? The girl who lasted 34 minutes in her 2000th group home before she went AWOL, who Crowbar KNOWS is out in the cold right now working the street to try to stay alive, and shooting herself full of shit to try to stay dead? The two crisis calls from teen women in cars with strange men, in which Crowbar frantically whispered instructions for getting to a safe place while she could hear the crazy fucks ranting and punching the steering wheels in the background? The chilling call from a teenager who could only say, "I'm dead, I already died, I'm dead, I already died..." in a monotone as Crowbar practically shouted on the other end, trying to break through her shock enough to find out where she was?
I'd continue the list but Crowbar's starting to notice I'm writing this and is getting that edgy, kinda violent look on her face again.....ah, there, she seems to have been distracted by her sock and a colourful bit of string...
Anyway, you get the point. Whatever it was, our favourite double agent kinda blew a fuse on Tuesday night and has been hanging on by her fingernails ever since. Fortunately her deep cover as Cake Wafit comes in handy, as she's been putting on the Cake identity in the morning and using it as a shield to get through the day. Cake never loses her shit, she just listens and validates, and processes in a healthy, boundaried way before she goes back to do it some more. Cake strategizes ways to get more funding, or advocates for women with prison staff and social assistance, or forms provincial actions and advisory committees to develop position papers and push for social audits. Cake agrees to be interviewed for research on police investigative techniques, sexual exploitation of youth, & the use of anonymity in sexual assault trials. Cake accepts speaking engagements to lecture in university classes, facilitates training discussions for group home and custody staff, and writes articles about legal inequities and how child protection is actually child endangerment. This is the Cake identity's coping and most people view it as quite functional, if a little annoying.
Crowbar, on the other hand, starts foaming at the mouth and begins incoherently shouting disconnected words and phrases like "injustice!", "smash shit, smashing!", "kill that pimp, I'm gonna...!" and "mutilated her!" Then she tends to slump over sideways, gibble incomprehensively, and start playing with her toes. Once in a while she can shake it off enough to make a mixed cd about killing corrupt cops who rape marginalized women or some similar subject matter, but that's usually a sign she's snapping out of it. We tried to convince her to send a communique to all of you last night, but she just stared at the computer screen with a uncomprehending look and then started reading news articles about prison guards raping female inmates. That weird eye twitch she has started coming back so we led her away, took away her lighters and sharp things, and gave her tea. Obviously we don't seem to be nearing that level of function quite yet.
Speaking of levels of function, I'd better check to see what our hero's doing....ok, no worries, she's in the corner acting out some kind of urban warfare drama with sock puppets and a banana...
All of which to say, apologies all around from all of us here at Crowbar HQ for the lack of communication this week, but we're seeing signs of improvement. Crowbar came around enough earlier (with some help from Cake) to negotiate a meeting with a whole new Dark Side(TM) Behavioural Modification & Re-education Centre, and the PURE EVIL she talked to there are just lapping up the Cake identity. She's managed to maintain the illusion that she's relatively sane in front of three different Dark Side divisions and even found space for appointments with four new young women next week. All three research studies will be done by next Friday, and she will have gotten one of three upcoming speaking gigs over with by then too. We have every faith in her, even if she is currently mangling one of the aforementioned sock puppets while chanting "PimpKilla, PimpKilla, PimpKilla..." over and over. Considering Crowbar knows how to kill a person with a mitten, we have to keep a close eye on her, but the situation appears to be under control.
We'll make sure she drops you a line herself just as soon as she can string a full sentence together.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she's a basketcase or anything, but sometimes juggling a bunch of secret identities, trying to micro-manage revolutions, fending off simultaneous overt and covert Dark Side (TM) attacks, and supporting close to 25 young women in less than 3 days gets under a person's skin. None of us here at Headquarters are too sure what pushed her over the edge this week - was it the two hostage takings? Those were pretty bad. The four babies taken away by CAS? The landlord who wouldn't return a deposit cheque even though the apartment was no longer available and the teen girl having to go to the street because that was all the money she had? The welfare office who wouldn't intervene or replace the deposit so she could go somewhere else, and instead told her it was her problem? The three women who showed up with bruises because their "partners" beat the crap out of them for such high crimes as "talking back" and "sleeping"? The two gang-rapes? The three separate crying girls saying they will do anything to not be sent back to one of our region's fabulous group homes? The girl who lasted 34 minutes in her 2000th group home before she went AWOL, who Crowbar KNOWS is out in the cold right now working the street to try to stay alive, and shooting herself full of shit to try to stay dead? The two crisis calls from teen women in cars with strange men, in which Crowbar frantically whispered instructions for getting to a safe place while she could hear the crazy fucks ranting and punching the steering wheels in the background? The chilling call from a teenager who could only say, "I'm dead, I already died, I'm dead, I already died..." in a monotone as Crowbar practically shouted on the other end, trying to break through her shock enough to find out where she was?
I'd continue the list but Crowbar's starting to notice I'm writing this and is getting that edgy, kinda violent look on her face again.....ah, there, she seems to have been distracted by her sock and a colourful bit of string...
Anyway, you get the point. Whatever it was, our favourite double agent kinda blew a fuse on Tuesday night and has been hanging on by her fingernails ever since. Fortunately her deep cover as Cake Wafit comes in handy, as she's been putting on the Cake identity in the morning and using it as a shield to get through the day. Cake never loses her shit, she just listens and validates, and processes in a healthy, boundaried way before she goes back to do it some more. Cake strategizes ways to get more funding, or advocates for women with prison staff and social assistance, or forms provincial actions and advisory committees to develop position papers and push for social audits. Cake agrees to be interviewed for research on police investigative techniques, sexual exploitation of youth, & the use of anonymity in sexual assault trials. Cake accepts speaking engagements to lecture in university classes, facilitates training discussions for group home and custody staff, and writes articles about legal inequities and how child protection is actually child endangerment. This is the Cake identity's coping and most people view it as quite functional, if a little annoying.
Crowbar, on the other hand, starts foaming at the mouth and begins incoherently shouting disconnected words and phrases like "injustice!", "smash shit, smashing!", "kill that pimp, I'm gonna...!" and "mutilated her!" Then she tends to slump over sideways, gibble incomprehensively, and start playing with her toes. Once in a while she can shake it off enough to make a mixed cd about killing corrupt cops who rape marginalized women or some similar subject matter, but that's usually a sign she's snapping out of it. We tried to convince her to send a communique to all of you last night, but she just stared at the computer screen with a uncomprehending look and then started reading news articles about prison guards raping female inmates. That weird eye twitch she has started coming back so we led her away, took away her lighters and sharp things, and gave her tea. Obviously we don't seem to be nearing that level of function quite yet.
Speaking of levels of function, I'd better check to see what our hero's doing....ok, no worries, she's in the corner acting out some kind of urban warfare drama with sock puppets and a banana...
All of which to say, apologies all around from all of us here at Crowbar HQ for the lack of communication this week, but we're seeing signs of improvement. Crowbar came around enough earlier (with some help from Cake) to negotiate a meeting with a whole new Dark Side(TM) Behavioural Modification & Re-education Centre, and the PURE EVIL she talked to there are just lapping up the Cake identity. She's managed to maintain the illusion that she's relatively sane in front of three different Dark Side divisions and even found space for appointments with four new young women next week. All three research studies will be done by next Friday, and she will have gotten one of three upcoming speaking gigs over with by then too. We have every faith in her, even if she is currently mangling one of the aforementioned sock puppets while chanting "PimpKilla, PimpKilla, PimpKilla..." over and over. Considering Crowbar knows how to kill a person with a mitten, we have to keep a close eye on her, but the situation appears to be under control.
We'll make sure she drops you a line herself just as soon as she can string a full sentence together.
posted by Crowbar at 11:36 p.m.
1 Comments:
The problem is, that we need to be under control.
The government controls, corparations control, bosses control. If thats not enough, we as individuals seem to need to control, our toughts, feelings and actions. When do we just get to BE.
I say let her loose........FUCK being under control.
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