The Crowbar Inauguration Day Special Edition
[Inauguration Day Special links archived here]
Welcome to the Crowbar Inauguration Day Special, where all our links and rants commemorate the swearing in of "The Giggling Killer", and the further descent of our planet into fascism and US hegemony. Oh, what a glorious moment in the world's history! The rolling tyranny of Bush's comments have been echoing through my head all day, no matter how I try to expunge them. The CNN coverage of the inaugural ceremony struck deep horror in my heart. Sycophantic rhetoric and beauty pagaent commentary only underscored the new role of the press as official Fellators-In-Chief for this administration: "On your knees, CNN, the President needs a blow job!".
I nearly burst a blood vessel when one commentator babbled, "And now we see the presidential daughters, looking lovely as they always do...". You are a reporter? This is what passes for commentary now?!
'And here we have Jenna, sporting a lovely ensemble in green and orange...'.
I do not need inane reflections on the dress and/or presentation of Political Barbie children, CNN; particularly when there are protestors and dissenting voices from all over the country that you are choosing to largely ignore in your so-called coverage. Instead of choosing to report on the only newsworthy component of today's dog and pony show - that being the unprecedented stratification of the citizens of the world, as demonstrated by the pro and anti Bush presence in Washington - you preferred instead to maintain a breathless dialogue about the Administration Cast of Characters, as though they were heading up the red carpet at the Oscars. Must be hard to have to accept that you're on the same "news" par with Entertainment Tonight.
A casual observer outside of Crowbar Headquarters today might have heard some of the following shouts emanating from within:
"Stop pausing for applause, you stupid numb fuck!!"
"You are such a stupid cockknocker."
"Okay, stop talking. Really, stop talking."
"How DARE he speak about the needs of women?!"
"Fucking religious zealot."
"You unbelieveable prick!"
In fact I appear to have developed some kind of Tourettes-like condition that renders me completely incapable of hearing George W. Bush speak without yelling out loud at the inanimate object that is my television. But hear him speak I did, and I now share, for your reading nausea, some excerpts of his remarks for those of you who were lucky or intelligent enough to miss it when he spewed it at the nation:
"We have seen our vulnerability -- and we have seen its deepest source. For as long as whole regions of the world simmer in resentment and tyranny, prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder..."
[I'm sorry, did you say "excuse murder"? Oh, you mean like how the US stands with China and Iran as the world leaders in executing their own citizens? Or how nearly all executions for juvenile crime in the world today are performed by the USA, and it is one of only 7 countries in the world who still practice the execution of juveniles? (the others being The Congo, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Yeman, Nigeria and Iran) Shit, wouldn't want to be "prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder".]
"There is only one force of history that can break the reign of hatred and resentment, and expose the pretensions of tyrants..."
[Careful now George - I don't think you want to go too far down the whole 'exposing pretensions of tyrants' path...the media might think you're suggesting they stop sucking your dick and start doing their jobs.]
"From the day of our founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this Earth has rights and dignity and matchless value, because they bear the image of the Maker of heaven and Earth."
[What? I have rights because why, exactly? Because I bear the image of who? Keep your religious zealotry out of my mirror, God-boy, I bear my own damn image. And a little bit of my dad's.]
"Across the generations we have proclaimed the imperative of self-government, because no one is fit to be a master, and no one deserves to be a slave."
[Tell that to the millions of Black and Latino Americans imprisoned in your institutions who are forced to work for private industry for pennies an hour, as part of your Prison-Industrial Complex. Here's a clue - if a vastly disproportionate number of the people you imprison are people of colour, and if forced prison labour pools are supporting a portion of your economy, then you have simply reinstituted slavery in a newly legitimized and institutionalized form.]
Advancing these ideals is the mission that created our nation. It is the honorable achievement of our fathers.
[Uh, did our mothers have anything to do with "advancing these ideals"? No? Okay, sorry for the interruption...]
"Freedom, by its nature, must be chosen,"
[I don't even know what to say. "Freedom, by its nature, must be chosen". Does he even LISTEN to himself when he talks? So how does he justify the United States oh-so-paternalistic "liberation" of Iraqis? I don't recall the citizenry of Iraq approaching the US government and requesting that they be bombed into 'Freedom'.]
"...and sustained by the rule of law and the protection of minorities..."
[except when the rule of law insists that you give rights to people you don't want to have them, or that you not torture people. Suddenly the rule of law is a slippery little critter indeed...]
"America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling."
[100000 dead Iraqis beg to differ. Or maybe you mean you'll only impose your own hand-picked puppet officials, who have long histories of financial dealings with US interests?]
"America's influence is not unlimited, but, fortunately for the oppressed, America's influence is considerable..."
[Ooooh George, *nothing* about the fact that you have power is 'fortunate for the oppressed'. ]
"We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation: the moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and freedom, which is eternally right."
[Or, stated another way, the choice between doing what we tell you and supporting our interests, or having us blow the fuck out of you and your smarmy little populations. Particularly if you're brown.]
"America will not pretend that jailed dissidents prefer their chains, or that women welcome humiliation and servitude"
[Crowbar throws remote control at television and sputters incoherently...]
"America's belief in human dignity will guide our policies."
[Again, unless it is in our interests to strip you naked, put you on leashes, mock your genitalia...then your 'human dignity' is kinda secondary, and we'll guide our policies to accommodate that.]
"Yet rights must be more than the grudging concessions of dictators; they are secured by free dissent"
[...except dissenters being thrown out of Republican events, fenced off "free-speech zones" miles from the actual convention, forced signing of loyalty oaths and screened questions in order to attend campaign 'town hall' meetings, FBI "visits" to people who are overheard disagreeing with administration policies, people removed from shopping malls for wearing t-shirts with the word 'peace' on them...oh yeah, gotta love free dissent.]
"In the long run, there is no justice without freedom, and there can be no human rights without human liberty."
[That was a slick way of making the administrations point that the suspension of civil liberties is necessary to retain freedom, so would you all please stop screaming about "justice" and "human rights" for detainees? Complete doublethink: "We must preserve rights & freedoms, thus we are taking away rights & freedoms, as it is critical to the greater cause of preserving rights & freedoms." And the idiots voted for him. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. See today's reading pick.]
"Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty"
[Odd. I haven't heard anyone question the global appeal of liberty. I have certainly heard them question the global appeal of having Americans bomb the shit out of their homes and cities, kill tens of thousands of their citizens, and siphon off their natural resources while saying 'it's for your own good'...]
"Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals [read: the power of our weaponry]. Eventually, the call of freedom comes to every mind and every soul [including the freedom from American occupation]. We do not accept the existence of permanent tyranny because we do not accept the possibility of permanent slavery. [That's funny. I thought you did not accept it because of WMD's. This is getting complicated...] Liberty will come to those who love it. [Ministry of Love, anyone?]
"All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: The United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors."
[Unless they make money for us. Like Saudi Arabia, or Pakistan or the Taliban before we changed our minds: "Women being executed in public squares? Ah well...we gotta negotiate this oil pipeline...". Oh yeah, and if your country has no economic profile at all, like Rwanda, well then we'll let 800000 of you die 'cause there's no cost/benefit.]
"When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you."
[Unless your revolutionaries try to overthrow dictators or US-installed governments who are financially beneficial to us. Then we'll give them arms and training to decimate your resistance.]
"Democratic reformers facing repression, prison, or exile can know: America sees you for who you are, the future leaders of your free country."
[Unless you're actually IN our country - then you're unpatriotic traitors and a threat to national security.]
"The rulers of outlaw regimes can know that we still believe as Abraham Lincoln did: "Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves, and, under the rule of a just God, cannot long retain it."
[What about secular nations who prefer the rule of law to the rule of gods? Do they get freedom too?]
"And all the allies of the United States can know: We honor your friendship, we rely on your counsel, and we depend on your help. Division among free nations is a primary goal of freedom's enemies."
[In other words, if we say 'war', we expect you to agree with us, right or wrong. And pay for it too, whether you want to or not. If you don't, the terrorists win. The other terrorists, that is...]
"Our country has accepted obligations that are difficult to fulfill, and would be dishonorable to abandon [created obligations - nobody asked you to destroy Iraq, remember? In fact, a lot of people tried to stop you] . Yet, because we have acted in the great liberating tradition of this nation, tens of millions have achieved their freedom. [Um, I'm sorry, who? Who has achieved freedom? 'Cause you surely can't be talking about Iraq, on the brink of civil war, or Afghanistan, where religious warlords are taking control of entire communities, right?] By our efforts, we have lit a fire, as well..." [finally, something I can agree with] "-- a fire in the minds of men" [ah shit, there we go with forgetting 50% of the population again...fuck the minds of women! Birth them babies, damn you!]
"Some have shown their devotion to our country in deaths that honored their whole lives -- and we will always honor their names and their sacrifice." [Unless Ted Koppel wants to actually READ their names on Nightline. Then we don't wanna hear their names. But the REST of the time, we will always honour their names.]
"I ask our youngest citizens to believe the evidence of your eyes. You have seen duty and allegiance in the determined faces of our soldiers. You have seen that life is fragile, and evil is real, and courage triumphs. Make the choice to serve in a cause larger than your wants, larger than yourself..."
[This is just disgusting, there's not even sarcasm that can be pulled from it. He just specifically asked the "youngest citizens" to choose to drink the Koolaid and die for his illegal wars, despite what they might want for themselves. Thank you, Jim Jones. And he did this with his own two daughters sitting behind him, neither of whom are serving or in uniform. If he felt that was what the nation's youngest citizens should do, why hasn't he sent his daughters to do it? If the cause is larger than their wants, there should be no good reason they are not both enlisted. I am absolutely sickened by this man. He is not speaking to his own children or to any of his friends' children. He means the children of the poor, who are overwhelmingly the ones who die on battlefields.]
"America has need of idealism and courage, because we have essential work at home -- the unfinished work of American freedom. In a world moving toward liberty, we are determined to show the meaning and promise of liberty." [Florida recount stopped by Supreme Court. The Patriot Act. 'Nuff said.]
"In America's ideal of freedom, the public interest depends on private character" [ah good, here we go into his moral admonitions...knew that had to come up] "...Self-government relies, in the end, on the governing of the self." [Read: "You morally depraved faggots and dykes! Stop with your sodomy!" 'cause you know that's what he's saying here, right?] "...That edifice of character is built in families [all families? including gay & lesbian families?], supported by communities with standards, and sustained in our national life by the truths of Sinai, the Sermon on the Mount, the words of the Koran, and the varied faiths of our people.
[Including Atheism? You know, I keep on hearing that America is a secular country and there's a separation of church and state but George Bush makes it clear in every public address that they are a theocracy. Well, fine, they voted for it, but I wish they'd stop trying to say both things at the same time.]
"Americans move forward in every generation by reaffirming all that is good and true that came before -- ideals of justice and conduct that are the same yesterday, today, and forever."
[Did someone say 'traditional definition of marriage'? I could have sworn I heard the words 'traditional definition of marriage' being murmured over and over and over...]
"In America's ideal of freedom, the exercise of rights is ennobled..."
["Ennobled"? Who taught you that word?]
"Americans, at our best, value the life we see in one another" [unless we want to execute you], "and must always remember that even the unwanted have worth" [unwanted embryos, that is...not unwanted "criminals". You, we execute.]
"We go forward with complete confidence in the eventual triumph of freedom. Not because history runs on the wheels of inevitability; it is human choices that move events. Not because we consider ourselves a chosen nation; God moves and chooses as He wills." [Theocracy: 1 : government of a state by immediate divine guidance or by officials who are regarded as divinely guided] ..."History has an ebb and flow of justice, but history also has a visible direction, set by liberty and the Author of Liberty." [Theocracy: 1 : government of a state by immediate divine guidance or by officials who are regarded as divinely guided] ...
"May God bless you, and may He watch over the United States of America." [Theocracy: 1 : government of a state by ... oh, whatever.]
I nearly burst a blood vessel when one commentator babbled, "And now we see the presidential daughters, looking lovely as they always do...". You are a reporter? This is what passes for commentary now?!
'And here we have Jenna, sporting a lovely ensemble in green and orange...'.
I do not need inane reflections on the dress and/or presentation of Political Barbie children, CNN; particularly when there are protestors and dissenting voices from all over the country that you are choosing to largely ignore in your so-called coverage. Instead of choosing to report on the only newsworthy component of today's dog and pony show - that being the unprecedented stratification of the citizens of the world, as demonstrated by the pro and anti Bush presence in Washington - you preferred instead to maintain a breathless dialogue about the Administration Cast of Characters, as though they were heading up the red carpet at the Oscars. Must be hard to have to accept that you're on the same "news" par with Entertainment Tonight.
A casual observer outside of Crowbar Headquarters today might have heard some of the following shouts emanating from within:
"Stop pausing for applause, you stupid numb fuck!!"
"You are such a stupid cockknocker."
"Okay, stop talking. Really, stop talking."
"How DARE he speak about the needs of women?!"
"Fucking religious zealot."
"You unbelieveable prick!"
In fact I appear to have developed some kind of Tourettes-like condition that renders me completely incapable of hearing George W. Bush speak without yelling out loud at the inanimate object that is my television. But hear him speak I did, and I now share, for your reading nausea, some excerpts of his remarks for those of you who were lucky or intelligent enough to miss it when he spewed it at the nation:
"We have seen our vulnerability -- and we have seen its deepest source. For as long as whole regions of the world simmer in resentment and tyranny, prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder..."
[I'm sorry, did you say "excuse murder"? Oh, you mean like how the US stands with China and Iran as the world leaders in executing their own citizens? Or how nearly all executions for juvenile crime in the world today are performed by the USA, and it is one of only 7 countries in the world who still practice the execution of juveniles? (the others being The Congo, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Yeman, Nigeria and Iran) Shit, wouldn't want to be "prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder".]
"There is only one force of history that can break the reign of hatred and resentment, and expose the pretensions of tyrants..."
[Careful now George - I don't think you want to go too far down the whole 'exposing pretensions of tyrants' path...the media might think you're suggesting they stop sucking your dick and start doing their jobs.]
"From the day of our founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this Earth has rights and dignity and matchless value, because they bear the image of the Maker of heaven and Earth."
[What? I have rights because why, exactly? Because I bear the image of who? Keep your religious zealotry out of my mirror, God-boy, I bear my own damn image. And a little bit of my dad's.]
"Across the generations we have proclaimed the imperative of self-government, because no one is fit to be a master, and no one deserves to be a slave."
[Tell that to the millions of Black and Latino Americans imprisoned in your institutions who are forced to work for private industry for pennies an hour, as part of your Prison-Industrial Complex. Here's a clue - if a vastly disproportionate number of the people you imprison are people of colour, and if forced prison labour pools are supporting a portion of your economy, then you have simply reinstituted slavery in a newly legitimized and institutionalized form.]
Advancing these ideals is the mission that created our nation. It is the honorable achievement of our fathers.
[Uh, did our mothers have anything to do with "advancing these ideals"? No? Okay, sorry for the interruption...]
"Freedom, by its nature, must be chosen,"
[I don't even know what to say. "Freedom, by its nature, must be chosen". Does he even LISTEN to himself when he talks? So how does he justify the United States oh-so-paternalistic "liberation" of Iraqis? I don't recall the citizenry of Iraq approaching the US government and requesting that they be bombed into 'Freedom'.]
"...and sustained by the rule of law and the protection of minorities..."
[except when the rule of law insists that you give rights to people you don't want to have them, or that you not torture people. Suddenly the rule of law is a slippery little critter indeed...]
"America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling."
[100000 dead Iraqis beg to differ. Or maybe you mean you'll only impose your own hand-picked puppet officials, who have long histories of financial dealings with US interests?]
"America's influence is not unlimited, but, fortunately for the oppressed, America's influence is considerable..."
[Ooooh George, *nothing* about the fact that you have power is 'fortunate for the oppressed'. ]
"We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation: the moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and freedom, which is eternally right."
[Or, stated another way, the choice between doing what we tell you and supporting our interests, or having us blow the fuck out of you and your smarmy little populations. Particularly if you're brown.]
"America will not pretend that jailed dissidents prefer their chains, or that women welcome humiliation and servitude"
[Crowbar throws remote control at television and sputters incoherently...]
"America's belief in human dignity will guide our policies."
[Again, unless it is in our interests to strip you naked, put you on leashes, mock your genitalia...then your 'human dignity' is kinda secondary, and we'll guide our policies to accommodate that.]
"Yet rights must be more than the grudging concessions of dictators; they are secured by free dissent"
[...except dissenters being thrown out of Republican events, fenced off "free-speech zones" miles from the actual convention, forced signing of loyalty oaths and screened questions in order to attend campaign 'town hall' meetings, FBI "visits" to people who are overheard disagreeing with administration policies, people removed from shopping malls for wearing t-shirts with the word 'peace' on them...oh yeah, gotta love free dissent.]
"In the long run, there is no justice without freedom, and there can be no human rights without human liberty."
[That was a slick way of making the administrations point that the suspension of civil liberties is necessary to retain freedom, so would you all please stop screaming about "justice" and "human rights" for detainees? Complete doublethink: "We must preserve rights & freedoms, thus we are taking away rights & freedoms, as it is critical to the greater cause of preserving rights & freedoms." And the idiots voted for him. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. See today's reading pick.]
"Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty"
[Odd. I haven't heard anyone question the global appeal of liberty. I have certainly heard them question the global appeal of having Americans bomb the shit out of their homes and cities, kill tens of thousands of their citizens, and siphon off their natural resources while saying 'it's for your own good'...]
"Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals [read: the power of our weaponry]. Eventually, the call of freedom comes to every mind and every soul [including the freedom from American occupation]. We do not accept the existence of permanent tyranny because we do not accept the possibility of permanent slavery. [That's funny. I thought you did not accept it because of WMD's. This is getting complicated...] Liberty will come to those who love it. [Ministry of Love, anyone?]
"All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: The United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors."
[Unless they make money for us. Like Saudi Arabia, or Pakistan or the Taliban before we changed our minds: "Women being executed in public squares? Ah well...we gotta negotiate this oil pipeline...". Oh yeah, and if your country has no economic profile at all, like Rwanda, well then we'll let 800000 of you die 'cause there's no cost/benefit.]
"When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you."
[Unless your revolutionaries try to overthrow dictators or US-installed governments who are financially beneficial to us. Then we'll give them arms and training to decimate your resistance.]
"Democratic reformers facing repression, prison, or exile can know: America sees you for who you are, the future leaders of your free country."
[Unless you're actually IN our country - then you're unpatriotic traitors and a threat to national security.]
"The rulers of outlaw regimes can know that we still believe as Abraham Lincoln did: "Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves, and, under the rule of a just God, cannot long retain it."
[What about secular nations who prefer the rule of law to the rule of gods? Do they get freedom too?]
"And all the allies of the United States can know: We honor your friendship, we rely on your counsel, and we depend on your help. Division among free nations is a primary goal of freedom's enemies."
[In other words, if we say 'war', we expect you to agree with us, right or wrong. And pay for it too, whether you want to or not. If you don't, the terrorists win. The other terrorists, that is...]
"Our country has accepted obligations that are difficult to fulfill, and would be dishonorable to abandon [created obligations - nobody asked you to destroy Iraq, remember? In fact, a lot of people tried to stop you] . Yet, because we have acted in the great liberating tradition of this nation, tens of millions have achieved their freedom. [Um, I'm sorry, who? Who has achieved freedom? 'Cause you surely can't be talking about Iraq, on the brink of civil war, or Afghanistan, where religious warlords are taking control of entire communities, right?] By our efforts, we have lit a fire, as well..." [finally, something I can agree with] "-- a fire in the minds of men" [ah shit, there we go with forgetting 50% of the population again...fuck the minds of women! Birth them babies, damn you!]
"Some have shown their devotion to our country in deaths that honored their whole lives -- and we will always honor their names and their sacrifice." [Unless Ted Koppel wants to actually READ their names on Nightline. Then we don't wanna hear their names. But the REST of the time, we will always honour their names.]
"I ask our youngest citizens to believe the evidence of your eyes. You have seen duty and allegiance in the determined faces of our soldiers. You have seen that life is fragile, and evil is real, and courage triumphs. Make the choice to serve in a cause larger than your wants, larger than yourself..."
[This is just disgusting, there's not even sarcasm that can be pulled from it. He just specifically asked the "youngest citizens" to choose to drink the Koolaid and die for his illegal wars, despite what they might want for themselves. Thank you, Jim Jones. And he did this with his own two daughters sitting behind him, neither of whom are serving or in uniform. If he felt that was what the nation's youngest citizens should do, why hasn't he sent his daughters to do it? If the cause is larger than their wants, there should be no good reason they are not both enlisted. I am absolutely sickened by this man. He is not speaking to his own children or to any of his friends' children. He means the children of the poor, who are overwhelmingly the ones who die on battlefields.]
"America has need of idealism and courage, because we have essential work at home -- the unfinished work of American freedom. In a world moving toward liberty, we are determined to show the meaning and promise of liberty." [Florida recount stopped by Supreme Court. The Patriot Act. 'Nuff said.]
"In America's ideal of freedom, the public interest depends on private character" [ah good, here we go into his moral admonitions...knew that had to come up] "...Self-government relies, in the end, on the governing of the self." [Read: "You morally depraved faggots and dykes! Stop with your sodomy!" 'cause you know that's what he's saying here, right?] "...That edifice of character is built in families [all families? including gay & lesbian families?], supported by communities with standards, and sustained in our national life by the truths of Sinai, the Sermon on the Mount, the words of the Koran, and the varied faiths of our people.
[Including Atheism? You know, I keep on hearing that America is a secular country and there's a separation of church and state but George Bush makes it clear in every public address that they are a theocracy. Well, fine, they voted for it, but I wish they'd stop trying to say both things at the same time.]
"Americans move forward in every generation by reaffirming all that is good and true that came before -- ideals of justice and conduct that are the same yesterday, today, and forever."
[Did someone say 'traditional definition of marriage'? I could have sworn I heard the words 'traditional definition of marriage' being murmured over and over and over...]
"In America's ideal of freedom, the exercise of rights is ennobled..."
["Ennobled"? Who taught you that word?]
"Americans, at our best, value the life we see in one another" [unless we want to execute you], "and must always remember that even the unwanted have worth" [unwanted embryos, that is...not unwanted "criminals". You, we execute.]
"We go forward with complete confidence in the eventual triumph of freedom. Not because history runs on the wheels of inevitability; it is human choices that move events. Not because we consider ourselves a chosen nation; God moves and chooses as He wills." [Theocracy: 1 : government of a state by immediate divine guidance or by officials who are regarded as divinely guided] ..."History has an ebb and flow of justice, but history also has a visible direction, set by liberty and the Author of Liberty." [Theocracy: 1 : government of a state by immediate divine guidance or by officials who are regarded as divinely guided] ...
"May God bless you, and may He watch over the United States of America." [Theocracy: 1 : government of a state by ... oh, whatever.]
posted by Crowbar at 1:15 a.m.
3 Comments:
"And we sink, and we drown
And what is lost can never be found
This arms did swim until the lungs pulled in
Panic was lost in a deep understanding
That you will see what is wrong with everything..."
Crowbar, I must thank you for this brief over view as it has saved me much pain in my gut as well as the need to cause severe bodily harm to all talking shit bags[and damit, there are alot of them]. I feel very lucky that I didn't have to hear the Evil Soul Suckink Nin-Cum-Poop's voice. Your commentary allowed for breath between spasms of rage.
You are truly welcome on my planet.Thank you.
"America will not pretend that jailed dissidents prefer their chains, or that women welcome humiliation and servitude"
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?????!!!!!!!
Crowbar will be sending you both Dark Side(TM) Resistance Force badges, just as soon as she can pan the change to have 'em made...
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